On a cool November day, a group of scooterists gathered in the former courtyard of a Pennsylvanian church to do glorious Medieval battle. Joust day had finally arrived. Dressed in mismatched armor, riding fiery, plastic, two-wheeled steeds, they prepared for the contest with shows of skill and stamina.
Yet it wasn’t just the joust. Some of the other “games” included Tug of War, Scooter Boxing, Chicken, Scooter Fu, Scooter Tag, Human Piñata, and other random acts of mild violence exacted with floating pool noodles.
Jousting is traditionally a sport engaged in by knights on horseback, complete with shields and lances. The objective is to ride directly toward your opponent and attempt to knock him or her from the saddle. Our version was a little less standardized. Riders piloted reclaimed, 50cc, junkyard scooters wearing their own armor made from found materials. Rather than dismounting their opponent, scooter jousters attempted to knock a duct-taped soda bottle off the head of their opponent. A winner was declared only when the bottle was knocked off. Even if the rider crashed, the contest continued until the bottle fell. Most matches dissolved into combat on foot with lances made of pool noodles, or even hand-to-hand combat in some cases. There were many spectacular crashes, and many glorious bouts.
At some point, jousting fell to the wayside as a scooter version of demolition derby took over. The little scooters shed much plastic, but would not die. The human riders also sustained damage, and had to be replaced frequently. There were bumps and scrapes, blood and bruises, but no serious injuries. The scooters both survived, and truly earned their names. The red one is “Sweet Sweet Candy Death Cane”, and the blue one is “C Wrecks”.
Later, as darkness fell and pizza arrived, a bonfire was lit. Our riders — champions of the ten inch wheel — victorious all, hoisted pizza and beer (and hot chocolate) in honor of battle well met.