Welcome to the incredible, heart-pounding world of Scootering, a universe where the bravest adventurers ride the slowest machines, into the unknown. In this tale, you are the hero. That’s right. The HERO. A band of international criminals has reached out their powerful claws to grasp the ultimate prize: the secret of American rock ‘n roll! Only YOU will be in the right place, at the right time, to stop them. You will face thrilling dangers and deadly foes in your quest to make it to Amerivespa 2016, in the heart of American Southern culture: Memphis, Tennessee. Do you have what it takes to defeat evil and save American rock ‘n roll?
Read the story below, if you dare. Throughout your journey, you will be presented with a choice. Which path is the right one? Will you taste the Moon-Pie of victory, or the chitlin’s of defeat?
You’ve been waiting a long time to pick up your scooter from your mechanic. After a new set of tires, an oil change and a new set of rollers, your faithful 2008 150cc Kymco Espresso, Kathy, is ready to roll.
The mechanic, Chip, eyes you doubtfully as you flip up the kickstand, ease onto the seat, and hit the starter. With a reassuring bap-bap-bap, Kathy purrs to life, and you nod appreciatively at Chip.
“You sure you gonna ride to Melmfus on that… thing?!” he demands, with an incredulous shake of his head.
“Why, my good man, don’t you think Kathy has enough power to get me there?”
Chip rolls his eyes. “Whatever, it will be a hundred fifty-five bucks.”
Thrilled with the prospect of your journey to the land of rock ‘n roll, you count out the money into the mechanic’s greasy palm. “Oh keep the change, to buy your lady the finest hamburger in town,” you reply magnanimously, as Chip attempts to refund you a crumpled fiver.
Ever a gentleman, you make a salute against the brow of your Arai carbon-fiber helmet before peeling off into the busy traffic of a city afternoon.
On the way back to your apartment, you stop in at Arby’s for a quick snack. You settle on an order of curly fries and a Java shake. Of course you have placed your helmet on the tabletop so that any passersby can see that you are a rider if they so wish. You spread out a large map marked with the route you have selected for the following day’s journey to Memphis, host city of Amerivespa 2016, making certain to rattle it loudly so as to convey to other diners that you are not some average Joe, but a real adventure rider.
After about an hour, you toss out your trash and fold the map up again, placing it in the pocket of your vented, armored riding jacket. That is a fine jacket, if you do say so yourself.
Strolling confidently out into the darkening car lot, you catch the eye of a beautiful blonde woman, who flicks her gaze from you to Kathy, then back to you, and raises an eyebrow.
“Is that some kind of moped?” she asks with a derisive chuckle.
You feel a righteous sense of triumph in answering, “No, m’lady. Kathy is no moped. She’s a scooter, Sweet Cheeks. I get sixty miles an hour on her, and furthermore, if you will look on the back, you will see that she’s licensed as a motorcycle, not a moped, so—“
“Oh, ok. Nice,” says the shapely woman, beginning to back away with a fixed smile on her face. You’d love to continue educating her about Kathy’s virtues, but before you have an opportunity, the blonde has flung her leg over the seat of a beautifully restored BMW Kompressor and twisted the throttle. With a nod in your direction, she revs the engine and disappears into the night. It’s no use trying to talk to some people.
You’ve spent too much time dawdling, so it’s off to bed for you. In the morning… the adventure begins!